


Cruel World

by No_one_else_7



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Final Haikyuu Quest, Angst, Child Oikawa Tooru, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grown up Iwaizumi, Iwa kinda adopted lil Tooru, Reincarnation, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25090567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_one_else_7/pseuds/No_one_else_7
Summary: He held the small, shaking frame close to himself. His own heart shattered every time he heard the chocked sob leaving the throat of the young boy. He knew, even without looking, that Tooru’s burred eyes were somewhere far away from the safe arms of Iwaizumi's. The child was only seeing distant memories filled to the brim with dread, pain and anguish. All of which were overflowing out of his little heart and left nothing but fear and a hint of resignation behind as he gasped painfully for air.How could fate be so cruel, Iwaizumi thought.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	Cruel World

**Author's Note:**

> So in this AU iwa is like 27 and tooru is around 6. the premise is that tooru is the reincarnation of Oikawa Tooru (who is a hald-demon half-human "monster") and was killed in battle when iwa fought him many years back. 
> 
> And iwa knows that tooru is the reincarnation but lil tooru doesn't. so tooru sees "memories" from his past life, as dreams and iwa is there to comfort him.

The small bundle of a child in Iwaizumi’s arms shook and gasped with terror with every few breaths as he slowly slid off the edge of the bed onto the cold marble floor, taking the tiny body along with him. The young boy, lithe and small, trapped against Iwaizumi’s more built and sturdier grasp choked on his words as little whimpers of apologies left his trembling lips. With every brush of skin, the boy recoiled at the ghost of inflicted pain on that same skin.

Iwaizumi knew that Tooru was stuck in a recurring nightmare, haunted by a different life overflowing his mind with stray memories in nights like these. It became unbearable to watch as the child writhed against the imaginary forces that painfully pushed down on him with immense pressure. Iwaizumi felt his own chest clench with agony as a wail escaped Tooru’s throat from whatever monster he saw behind his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please,” Tooru’s pleas continued as he tried, desperately, to fight and escape the demon he that kept tormenting him in his dreams. Tooru felt his chest contract painfully from ghost pains that wracked through his entire body. He screamed for escape, as the pain rolled in waves, and words from the demon swept across his entire being. 

_You’re worthless, Tooru. You don’t deserve to live your life after disgustingly stealing it from others._

_You are a cursed being with nothing but filth coursing through your veins._

_It should have been you. You should have died, Tooru._

Iwaizumi looked down at the paled boy in his grasp as his screams of pain shifted to a different kind. It would probably go unnoticed if it weren’t for Iwaizumi’s extensive knowledge about the little boy he had grown to love as his own over the past few years. His every expression, his hidden emotions, every little habit the little boy had adopted, Iwaizumi adored as he got to know this kind, innocent child who only ever put others before himself.

Iwaizumi had no idea that anyone could be so thoughtful and nurturing to others after living a life so devoid of exactly that, until he met Tooru in that forest all those years ago. Iwaizumi is suddenly reminded of his first meeting with the child, whose frame was painfully bony and frail, lying limply at the base of the dead tree trunk, somewhere in the middle of the abandoned Demon King’s Lair. He is also reminded of the difficult journey that ensued.

Iwaizumi had gone through myriads of trials and hardships to convince the King of Seijoh to allow the half-demon child, upon discovery, to remain under his supervision, let alone live at all. The resemblance to the monster that once raged against the kingdom, and almost doomed it, was too uncanny for it to be a coincidence and the child was ruled to be executed. Iwaizumi had jeopardized everything: his trusted position as a High Royal knight, his relationships with all the people he knew and befriended over the many years they’d fought side by side and bonded in the battlefield, even his own life by fighting for this child. And he knew that he would do it all again without hesitation if it meant that Tooru could continue to breathe and live a full life. The child deserved nothing better.

Iwaizumi noticed as Tooru’s pained screams and pleas shifted to a different tone, one that carried a heartache so deep it shook the grown man at his core. Iwaizumi awaited as the wails of the child turned into quieter sobs, the sound of utter hopelessness and resignation.

A tear escaped Iwaizumi’s eye as he listened to Tooru’s cries turn into those of acceptance of what was happening in his mind, whatever battle he was apparently losing, as the boy fell deeper into his mind with each painstaking breath he took, tremors ringing through him each time. His throat had become dry and coarse from all his previous endeavours, barely any sound escaping, as he let the words of the demon settle on his skin, sink into his bones as his eyes stared blankly into the abyss. 

Iwaizumi had faced this same situation several times during his shared nights with Tooru, but it never made it any easier. The tired child lying limply in his arms, tears dried as his eyes blankly stared off into space, and so, so afraid of something Iwaizumi can only try to protect him from. There was no escape for Tooru as he was forced to relive through these nightmares, no- memories. And all Iwaizumi can do is watch powerlessly as Tooru begs for forgiveness to a monster that knows no mercy.

He remembered the scared words that Tooru shared that night, a few weeks back, after a very similar attack that left them both worse for wear. The inescapable thoughts of worthlessness that the demon seemed adamant on burning into the very bones of the child, to the point Tooru has no option but to let it simmer and settle along every inch of his body and accept them as truth. 

It was the words that came from Tooru himself that broke Iwaizumi the most. Tooru, in the wake of his laboured breaths, had confessed that there was a sinister darkness living inside him, one that insisted the demon’s words were true. That Tooru didn’t deserve this chance at life and that Iwaizumi should have left him, abandoned and dirty, at that cursed forest like he was before. Lest he wouldn’t face all the hardships and problems Tooru seemed to bring along with himself.

Iwaizumi had fought tears of his own as he tried, as gently as he possibly could, to instil the fact that he never regretted his decision to foster the child and would do it all again if he had to. He tried to tell Tooru that the boy had never done anything in his short life to garner such harsh judgement from the cruel universe. Tooru had done nothing to ever hurt anyone and he never would. Iwaizumi tried, but there is no way for him to know how well the message had truly gotten across.

_You have done nothing wrong._

_You are not evil or cursed. You are not dirty._

_You have done nothing wrong, Tooru._

Iwaizumi held the boy to his chest and slowly began to whisper tiny words of comfort to his ears in hopes that the boy will hear them through his nightmare and return to reality now that the mind-numbing screams had stopped. He made stilted motions back and forth with his entire body to bring some sense of motion to Tooru who sat limply in his arms, eyes looking forward without really seeing anything. 

Iwaizumi feared that he might have been too late. Maybe he accidentally let Tooru go too far, to a point of no return after so many nights of the same routine. _No_ , he stopped himself. _I will not give up on him. It is up to me to care for this child and I will do it, goddamit._

“You’re safe, Tooru. Your home and safe. Nothing can hurt you. You’re safe. I’ve got you” Iwaizumi whispered, with his head lowered close to Tooru’s ear. 

He began rubbing a hand on Tooru’s clothed back in slow circles as the other lightly caressed his unruly, curly hair. Occasionally, he’d remove the hand from his back to squeeze at Tooru’s own little hand, as a gesture to bring the boy back. They remained like this for hours until Iwaizumi felt Tooru stir, ever so slightly, against his chest.

Tooru let his body lie where it was, all energy drained from him, as the vague smell of sandalwood and a little bit of sweat filled his nose. He tried to remember that scent, as it greeted him with such familiarity.

He, then, heard soft murmurs of a gruff voice that he couldn’t quite recognize, still, the familiar voice slowly washed comfort over him in calm waves. He knew that the voice, or at least the owner of the voice, is not scary and wouldn’t hurt Tooru. For the first time that night, Tooru felt safe in the skin to skin contact he had with the other presence. 

Tooru gently mustered all the courage and strength he had left to push his own two shaky hands against the broad, bare chest of the man that held him, he needed to see him. To make sure this was not part of the nightmare he just lived through, a twisted attempt to settle a false sense of security in Tooru before a final blow pulled him to the depths of despair. He maneuvered his body to the best of his capabilities, with how tightly he was being held to the man, as his eyes peeked up. 

Immediately, Tooru noticed the green eyes gazing down at him and instantly he was reminded of Iwaizumi Hajime, the man that had saved Tooru all those years back. Tooru looked at the man’s face and recognized the sharp features, the old scar that curved under Iwaizumi’s left eye, the straight nose and the trademark scowl at his brows. Though this time, deep concern and worry are clearly written across them.

The memories of the gentle, but calloused, hands flood back to Tooru, as they pick Tooru up into the air, his own laughter peeling through the little garden as they play. He is reminded of the nurturing hands when they’d fed him, washed him and showed him kindness for the first time in his entire life, as if he deserved such warmth. The same hands were wiping tears that fell from Tooru’s cold face, ones that he didn’t even know had escaped.

“Tooru? Can you hear me?” Iwaizumi said in a hushed tone, as to not startle the child in his arms. Belatedly, once Tooru remembered to control his bodily functions, and forced a nod.

A relieved sigh left Iwaizumi’s lips as he gently pushed the child to himself, craning his neck down to complete the make-shift hug. He held Tooru to himself as he whispered praises near the child’s ears. 

“Thank god. You’re so strong Tooru, you fought all by yourself and now you came back. You’re so brave-” Iwaizumi’s words stilled when he discovered a new wave of tiny sobs leaving Tooru’s dry lips. 

“Tooru? Please, don’t cry. What’s wrong?” Iwaizumi tried in an attempt to usher a response from the child. He slowly moved back and returned his hands to Tooru’s small face as he tried to push him to look up. Tooru, instinctively, shut his eyes but Iwaizumi was patient. He knew that tooru needed his time before he could form words and push them out of his lips. Instead, opted to reassure the boy that he’d stay here as long as he needed. He’d wait for Tooru, so Tooru could take all the time he needed. 

“I’m here, Tooru. And I intend to stay here. For as long as you need”

A cry left Tooru’s lips as he looked up and the look in his eyes almost shattered Iwaizumi for the umpteenth time that night. The caramel eyes swirled with unshed tears; the protest visible as day in them. He knew this was coming, but he could never fully prepare himself for it.

“Why?” the pained whisper left Tooru’s chapped lips. _Why do you do all this for me?_

Iwaizumi knew that Tooru had had issues with accepting the kindness and love Iwaizumi offered, he’d had them since the day they first met. However, to this day he could never find himself accustomed to the look in those scared eyes. A fear so ingrained into his mind and body; it had become impossible to accept kindness from others without an instantaneous wave of guilt that followed soon after. He was a monster that only brought harm and decay everywhere he went and would eventually infect Iwaizumi too. He was afraid that Iwaizumi would soon be tainted and it would all be Tooru’s fault.

“Tooru, you have done nothing wrong.” Iwaizumi pushed out of his chest as he looked at Tooru’s glistening eyes. The ones that had the ability to light up the world when they shined accompanying his beautiful little smile. Iwaizumi was never good with words to express all the various emotions welling up in his chest, but he knew he had to try. For Tooru. 

“You are not a monster. You have never hurt anyone, any living creature. How could you be a monster when I’m sitting right here, holding you, and no harm is inflicted on me? I’ve taken care of you for years now, haven’t I? And to this day you have only brought joy to my life.” Iwaizumi said, trying to relay as much emotion he could with his eyes as he looked at Tooru’s own hazel eyes.

“That’s not entirely true…” Tooru murmured, as his eyes fell to the side. He was the reason Iwaizumi had faced so many repercussions, all in the aftermath of bringing in Tooru. He was the sole cause for the end of several meaningful friendships Iwaizumi had. He had subsequently made his life so much harder. _How could he say I’ve brought only happiness to him?_

“Tooru, look at me,” Iwaizumi only continued after Tooru reintroduced eye contact, “I love you so much. And whatever “difficulty” I face because of bringing you into my life can never make me hate you, alright? I chose this for myself, on my own. You are not to be responsible for this decision.” Iwaizumi didn’t let the child protest as he brought back a hand to brush the brown locks away from Tooru’s forehead, where they are wet with sweat. 

“None of this is your fault.” Iwaizumi ended. Tooru could only look at the man with awe. The man who seemed to be able to carry the world on his shoulders without any issue, is, somehow, under the impression that Tooru is strong. Tooru knows it a lie because he lost the fight against the demon from his dreams. As he always did, he fought and lost. He was so weak, but for some reason, this incredible man, who could do things with a sword that Tooru didn’t even know was possible, thought he was strong.

_If only he could see the real me._

Tooru rested his ear near Iwaizumi’s chest and focused on the heartbeat. Iwaizumi’s eyes softened at the gesture; he remembered all the times Tooru could only relax when he heard that specific heartbeat. Hajime looked up from the little frame pressed against him, and for the first time that night, he noticed the beautiful glow of the moonlight cascading through the translucent curtains, proceeding into the dark room from the arched balcony outside, that occasionally waved with the small breeze. The stars shone brightly in the wake of the cloudless sky. _Tooru loved the stars_ , Iwaizumi thought, _maybe we should spend a night outside sometime._

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda the first fic that I'm ever posting online. I'm just excited that I'm finally doing this. i don't mind if anyone who reads this thinks its a shitty fic. by all means, it could be. I'm just happy regardless. if you're reading this then... all I have to say is thank you. truly. means a lot :)


End file.
